Passed Shadows
by g3nesis1
Summary: It has been quite sometime since Shuichi left Japan, since he left everything and everyone behind. But, now he is returning with a new band, with new friends, and with a different personality. How will everyone react to his return? [COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1

It had been 2 full years since Shuichi was thrown out for the last time. It would be two years since he returned to Japan, to his family, to his old friends. He sighed heavily. He had changed since then. The bouncy love-filled teenager was no more. He was something different now.. He was someone different.

As he sat on the plane, he couldn't help but think about what had happened the last time he was there. It seemed like Yuki really did hate him.. His heart was broken, there were marks, scars, all over his body but there were more on the inside. Bad Luck broke up, Hiro went to college as he promised. Everything fell apart.

Bad Luck was no more, but Passed Shadows was born. He loved the name, it felt so.. Right. He gave a fake smile and looked over to his new band mates. Ryu, he was the guitarist. He was funny, and probably a bit more bouncy than he ever was. He was the one that had always made fun of his pink hair, playfully, of course. But he looked different now. Then, there was Tina. She was beautiful. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back, but she was one tough cookie. She could beat up anyone if she wanted to. She, was the drummer. He smiled to himself. And of course, he was the singer.

Passed Shadows was a hit in America, and now.. He had to go back to Japan. In a way, he wanted to. To see his family of whom he hadn't spoken to in a while. He hadn't talked to anyone over there in a while. He hoped they weren't mad.

"Buckle your seatbelts!" The pilot yelled and all of them did as ordered. There was a lot of turbulence. A lot. Shuichi covered his mouth. God, it felt like he was going to throw up.

He wondered if they'd recognize him. He hoped they would. They landed and he gave a huge sigh, picking up his bag and walking from down the stairs of the jet. He looked around and thanked God there was no huge crowds of screaming girls. There was just too much chaos he had been through the years.

"Shuichi.. You, okay?" Tina asked, looking into his eyes.

"Yeah.." He forced a smile. "I'm fine."

All of three of them got into the limo and drove off. He looked through the windows to see things he had in his dreams, in his flashbacks. Some things he wished to remember, some things.. He wished to forget. But he never got his wishes.. None of them.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back into the seat of the limo. "…Damn." He said.

"Are you going to go see your mom and your sister?" Ryu asked.

"Yeah.. I am."

"Okay, we'll see you back here at 4 then, right?"

Shuichi nodded. "I'll see you then." Tina and Ryu got out of the car and the limo driver pulled up to the house. He swallowed hard and got from the car, clenching his fists tightly. "Stay here." He told the driver and he nodded.

Maiko looked outside, her blonde hair falling into her face. Her eyes widened as she saw a black limo and a guy standing beside it. "Shu-Shuichi!" She yelled and rushed out of the house.

Shuichi looked up to see Maiko and gave a soft smile. She basically tackled him to the ground with tears running from her eyes. "Shuichi!" She yelled, hugging him so tightly he could barely breath.

"Maiko," he said softly. "..It's okay." He pulled the both of them up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Where's Mom?"

Maiko hugged him once again and took his hand, leading him towards the house. His mother was standing in the doorway, holding her chest as if it was about to burst. "…Shuichi!" She ran to him and hugged him tightly.

Shuichi closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around them both. "It's okay, Mom.. Maiko. I'm here."

--

Tohma looked towards the phone and sighed, he knew Yuki would have to know. He reached down, put the phone to his ear and dialed the number. He laid back in his chair and closed his eyes. "Yuki? I need to tell you something…. Shuichi is here. He just came back this morning… I-I know.. Alright. Goodbye, Yuki." He set the phone down with a heavy sigh. Yuki wasn't too happy about that. Why couldn't Shuichi just stay over there, dammit? Everyone's lives would be so much easier.

Yuki placed his hands on his forehead, tossing the glasses to the side. He clenched his fist tightly and slammed them upon the desk, making everything jump violently. "Shuichi.." He whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

Shuichi was tired; very tired. His mom, Maiko, and him caught up on everything that he'd missed. Maiko was engaged, and mom, she was getting sick a lot. He was worried about her now, just like he was worried about everything else. But he was happy for Maiko. She deserved to have someone to be happy with for the rest of her life. Maiko kept asking about Yuki, Yuki, Yuki.. And he didn't want or even know how to answer her.

They had noticed that he was different, that he wasn't the same as when they last saw him. He looked to the clock, it was about 3:45. _Shit,_ he thought. "Mom.. Maiko. I have to go.. We have a conference at 4:15. It's something I can't miss. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Shuichi. I am just glad that you came back to us, and if you don't visit more, I'm going to have to kick you!"

Shuichi laughed. "Alright, Maiko. I will visit more often. I'll be staying here for a while anyway." He kissed his mom on the forehead and hugged Maiko before walking back out of the house, seeing the limo driver sleeping.

He smiled and poked him. "Louie, wake up. We have to go."

"Yes, sir." He said, waking up almost immediately and driving off as he got into the back.

Shuichi sighed. Sometimes he hated his life, and now was one of those times. He loved his mother, and Maiko.. Very much indeed, but everything else was so damn overwhelming. Yuki, Yuki, Yuki.. He was all over the place, he was in his mind, thoughts.. Even dreams. He couldn't get that memory out of the first time they had kissed in the elevator. He almost brought himself to tears.

He clenched his fist and fought the tears back with everything he had. His face grew hard and his eyes cold. He wasn't the Shuichi Shindou he once was.. He was Shuichi Shindou, the lead singer of Passed Shadows, and the brokenhearted and shattered soul. He swallowed hard as they pulled up to the hotel, seeing lines of people screaming, waving signs and jumping up and down just to see him. Was this what he wanted? He closed his eyes and opened the door, standing from the limo.

The pitch of the screams intensified so bad that he almost had to cover his ears. He looked to the security that grabbed his arm and rushed him through the crowd. "SHUICHI, WE LOVE YOU! SHUICHI! SHUICHI!" He threw the security off of him and walked into the building. He looked into the Security officer's eyes as he walked away.. He hated security, but he knew it must be done. Plus, he held him too tight. He rubbed his arm and walked forward, being met up with Ryu and Tina.

"SSSHHHUUUIIIICHIII!" Tina smiled. "Did you have fun? Didja?" She chuckled.

"Yes.. I did. I got to talk with my mom and Maiko for a couple of hours. It was just great!" He smiled brightly.

"Good.. Because we have this damn conference in a few minutes." She winked. "What do you think they'll say? What do you think they'll ask? Oh My God!" Tina was freaking out. She had never been in a foreign country, talking to millions and maybe billions of people watching and absolutely loving her.

"Tina.. Calm down.. It's going to be alright. I don't know what they'll ask." That wasn't entirely true. He knew they were going to ask about the band, both Bad Luck and Passed Shadows, as well as Yuki, and Hiro.. And everyone else involved.

"It's time!" Their manager called. He was a boring guy, a bit older than Sakano and a bit calmer.. All of them nodded and followed him into the conference area.

Flashes from cameras and questions from the reporters shot into the air as they all entered. Shuichi sighed and let his head drop to his chest. "Shuichi? Are you going to stay in Japan? Are you romantically involved with your band mates? Are you still with Yuki Eiri.?"

_Gah, _he thought and sat behind the conference desk quietly. Tina was shaking, she was so nervous. He looked over to her. "Hey, it's okay. Calm down." He gave a comforting smile and she nodded, looking back out to the crowd of people.

Shuichi looked up to the camera's and sighed. "..No, Bad Luck is dead. Hiro is in college, and he will not be coming back. I am NOT with Yuki and I am not romantically involved with anyone at the moment, and I wish to keep it that way." The reporters stood back at his voice, at his tone. He was so different. "We are only here to tell the public of the concert on the 15th, 6 to midnight. Tickets will start being sold right after this meeting. That is all I have to say.."

The crowd started to yell, scream questions which annoyed him very much. "..No more questions." He stood without saying another word and walked out with the rest of the room standing dazed, confused, and blinking.

He walked through the corridors, blocking everything out. He didn't want to hear another goddamn thing about Yuki! He walked into his room of the hotel and slammed the door behind him, throwing himself on the couch. He put his palms to his eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.

He couldn't help it. His heart was still broken, even after all this time. He had done everything for him, EVERYTHING! But Yuki didn't care. He just threw him out like he was nothing, like he was trash. He kept telling himself that he hated him, he hated him.. But, deep inside he still loved him. Deep inside he still wanted to feel his arms around him, and deep inside, he still wanted to hear his voice.

Everything around him reminded him of Yuki. Everything, it was like he couldn't escape from it. From someone on the outside, they would think his life was so perfect.. But if they actually knew him, actually knew what happened.. They'd understand why he hated his life so damn bad.

--

Yuki sighed, sipping on the beer and puffing at his cigarette watching the news. His face popped up over and over again. That pink-haired annoying little bastard. He watched him closely, his eyes narrowing. He seemed so… Hateful, and.. He didn't know how to explain it, but he knew that he was most likely the cause. He didn't care though. The kid deserved what he got.. He ashed the cigarette out and threw the beer can across the room. He hated him, but a feeling inside of him yearned to see him standing in front of him again, with that goofy look on his face. He would never forget that day he'd kicked him out. He never really understood why he did it, or… Ugh.. It was for the best. He just would have ended up getting even more hurt than he already was.

Yuki stood and walked back into his office. People thought that he was so great, writing these romantic stories and such.. When all he wanted, all he really wanted, was for someone to do the same thing in the story to him.. To actually say they loved him, and meant it. To give him happiness forevermore.. But what would he do with it once he got it? He'd throw it away.. Just like he did the last time.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuki pushed himself up from the desk and yawned. He looked to the laptop in front of him and sighed. The last sentence -- "and he looked into the mirror, and seen something he was disgusted with. It was him.. He was disgusted with himself, his life, and his own heart." He sighed and pulled the glasses from his face, pushing himself up from the desk.

He grabbed a cigarette and liter and walked over to the window. It was still dark, the moon slowly fading behind the velvet like clouds. His eyes were filled with something they had been for a while, regret.. Sadness and self-loathe.

He took a puff of the cigarette and laid his head against the cold glass of the window and closed his eyes. Shuichi was having a concert soon, and he was debating on going or not. Would he want him to be there? Probably not, just like before. But this time it was probably worse.

He couldn't help but chuckle at himself thinking of the first concert of theirs he had went to. Shuichi sucked.. Badly. But, yet, people loved him. People loved that music, those shitty lyrics. They loved everything about him.

He turned away and sat back in the chair, placing his hands at the keyboard of the laptop. He had to get this finished. He was already two weeks passed the due date. He just had to Shuichi out of his head for now. He might go to the concert, might not. Who knew?

--

Shuichi sighed, pushing himself up from the couch. He had been trying to get back to sleep but it just wasn't working. His stomach was hurting, badly. He hadn't ate in days, and he was loosing weight constantly. Whenever he tried to eat something, he just.. Lost his appetite almost immediately. He just couldn't help it. He knew he had to eat, but he didn't want to force it. He was afraid he'd get sick.

He pushed himself up and stretched, his shirt coming up slightly to show the ribs laced around his body. He looked around in the darkness of the room. He guessed Ryu and Tina were in another part of the hotel, but he had fallen asleep right after the conference and he was sure they wouldn't want to bother him.

He sighed and cracked his neck and fixed his clothes before walking from the dressing room. He sighed and put his hands in his pockets, his black and pink hair falling over his eyes. He bit his lip, thinking about a few things. The concert was the day after tomorrow, and goddamn, he wasn't sure he was ready. He had one song stuck in his head, and he would have to sing to get it out. He hoped Tina and Ryu would like the lyrics he had so far.

He walked towards the recording studio, seeing his manager still working. "Shuichi, what are you doing up this early?" He asked with that dull tone.

He sat beside him and closed his eyes. "I couldn't get to sleep."

"You should get all the rest you can. The concert is the 15, and-"

"I know, I know.." He interrupted. "Can we change the song line-up? I have a song I'd like to do, and.. I have the lyrics laid out and all. Please, Niede?"

His manager sighed. "Fine.. But, make sure you know it well before you do it on stage. We don't want to screw up, do we?"

"Hell no," he chuckled and looked over the mike in the other room. "…When do you think Tina and Ryu will be getting up?"

"Well, its 5 am. Probably in about an hour or so. We have lots to do today. I wasn't expecting you to get up until about 9. The conference yesterday wasn't a happy one for you," he said. "…But, don't worry about it. They won't be asking about it anymore."

"Ugh.. I doubt that." He said, grabbing some lyrics from his pocket and walked into the recording area, placing the headphones on his head and fixed the mike right in front of his face.

He nodded to Niede and closed his eyes, clenching the lyrics in his fist. He was doing it accapella, but Tina and Ryu could find something to go with it. "It's been a while.. Since I could, hold my head up high. It's been up awhile, since I first saw you.. It's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again. It's been a while, since I could call you.."

After a few hours, Tina had finally came in rubbing her eyes. She had been awoken by the sound of music and great lyrics. She looked over to Ryu on the guitar and smirked. She grabbed the drum sticks and headed inside, blending in with the music as best as she could. This song was great. She looked to Shuichi, which was giving his all into the mike. It was a great song, one of many they were now going to be playing.

Niede nodded and watched them. This would be a great concert, a great time for them. They would reach the top in no time, even in this world of New Age music and such. He was sure that the fans of Shuichi would be surprised at the more mellow and sometimes harder music that he was now into and singing, but they would love it. They would always love it.

"But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you!" Shuichi sang, giving his all.

As the song ended, he looked to Ryu and Tina. "…I guess you like that song?" He asked, his voice soft.

"Hell yeah!" Tina smirked and played with the drum sticks. "..We should definitely do that song!"

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking to Ryu. He nodded. "Alrighty, then." He chuckled and looked back to the mike. "Let's practice it a bit more.."


	4. Chapter 4

The day was finally here. The day of the concert. Shuichi looked out to the screaming crowd. In a way, it excited him.. But in another way, it frightened him. What if he messed up? What if he froze? What if..? What if..? He tried to calm himself down, taking a deep breath as the pink and black-streaked hair fell into his eyes. He gripped the mike tightly, holding it in his moist shaking fingers.

Adrenaline was pumping through his system, and he was feeling a little lightheaded from all of it. He thought it was all just of the excitement getting to him.. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.

He looked to the band playing before them… Night, they were called. They were pretty good, too. Shuichi blinked, the guitar lines leading into memories of him and Hiro playing on this very stage and probably to this very crowd. He could remember the first time, how he froze because of Yuki. He remembered how he sang his heart out about love and peace and all those naïve things that he once knew. No more. He would not freeze, he would not. He'd sing his heart out, but this time about almost the opposite: love lost, heartbreak, and pain. Some people called it a cliché, but he didn't care.

The roar of clapping brought him back to bitter reality. He turned to see Tina and Ryu beside him, both holding their equipment. Tina was tapping the tip of the drumsticks on her legs. She was beautiful, her eyes full of anticipation and wonder. He looked to Ryu, whom of which had a HUGE smile on his face.

"We've made it, Shuichi." He said. "..It's time to rock." He patted Shuichi's back. "Remember, we're doing your song first." He winked.

"I know," Shuichi nodded.

Niede walked from behind the curtain and smiled, grabbing one of the mikes. The crowd roared, the girls screamed Shuichi's name and they all began to chant. "Hey! Calm down! I'd just like to do something.. Real quick." He winked with a smile. "..I'd like to present.. PASSED.. SHADOWS!"

Shuichi looked up, realizing that it was time.. He took a big breath and walked out onto the stage, both Tina and Ryu following. The screams grew louder and louder as he approached the front steps of the stage. "Thank You!" He said, waving to the fans. "The first song we're going to do is called 'It's been awhile.'" The crowd grew a little bit more quite as the guitar started and Shuichi took a step back.

"And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you..

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means.." Shuichi opened his eyes slowly to see a final light coming from the entrance. His eyes widened. _Yu-Yuki? No!_ He yelled at himself. _You will not freeze up! Why the hell is here? _

His heart grew heavy and his eyes blurry from tears.. This song was for him. And though he was angry he was here, he was happy that he'd be able to hear it.

"And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day!"

Yuki leaned against the back wall of the concert hall. He closed his eyes listening to the music as he puffed smoke from his cigarette. Just listening to the words made him realize a few things. One -- he had gotten better, both at singing and lyric writing and two -- he was still angry. Why wouldn't he be? He flicked the cigarette away. He seen the look in Shuichi's eyes as he came in; he didn't like him being here. Maybe he should have just left.. The hard beat and hit of the drums pulled him back to look up at Shuichi.

"And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face  
And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste!"

He blinked. He knew for sure.. That this song was for him now. He closed his eyes and continued to listen.

"And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry!"

Shuichi was almost completely in tears now.. His heartbreaking with every single word he sang. Why was it so bad now? Just because he was here? Just because it was the first time he had seen him in two years? He dropped his head, the lights around him casting shadows upon his eyes.

_I hate you,_ he thought. _I really fucking hate you._ He clenched his fists. Why did he have to come here? Why? WHY!

There was only a moment of silence before Ryu started playing again, this time just a bit harder. It was one of Shuichi's favorite songs.. Other than the one he had just sang.

"Yeah you're shaking now falling out and you can't take it  
Just breathe in breathe out let it flow  
Just ease your mind and take your time  
Yeah can't you feel it?  
This one life this time this time let it show

Just breathe and bring yourself back to me  
How can you let go?  
Of everything you meant to me  
Time to take it slow  
No don't go!"

Shuichi had improved on the roar. It actually sounded good. The crowd started to jump making the beat of the bass drum sound deeper. He head banged a little bit.

"All you want is a taste you can't erase  
It's taken over  
Just one chance last stand  
Take it slow  
Tired of waking up feeling down  
And you can't take it  
Well strike back take that  
Let it show

Just breathe and bring yourself back to me  
How can you let go?  
Of everything you meant to me  
It's time to take it slow

It's your last chance to take your stand  
God only knows  
The time has come what's left undone?  
How can you let how can you let?

So just breathe

you gotta fight to make it through this  
You can't leave me  
How can you let, how can you let go?"

The guitar line was beautiful. They were all doing great. Tina was basically dancing behind the drum set, and both Shuichi and Ryu were head banging to the music.

"How can you let, how can you let GO, GO, GO?"

Shuichi looked up to the crowd, sweat pouring down his chest and the side of his face. He was just so goddamn dizzy, his heartbeat pumping a mile a minute. It was like he couldn't breath.

The whole concert hall gasped as he fell to the ground in front of the stage not moving. Ryu dropped the guitar and ran over to him, patting his cheek. Shuichi's eyes were barely open. "Shuichi! Shuichi! Can you hear me?" He patted his cheek a bit harder. "SHUICHI!" He yelled.

"I.. can't.. breath." He whispered, his eyes falling back into his head and escaping into a complete darkness.

_Just breath, and bring yourself back.. Back to me._

* * *

Songs:

"It's Been Awhile" - Staind  
"Inhale" - Edgewater

Hope you liked the chapter! Next one is coming up.. VERY FURKING SOON! haha.


	5. Chapter 5

--One Day After--

Yuki still couldn't believe it. What the hell had happened? There were many rumors, some he didn't believe. Drugs? No.. Shuichi may have been stupid, but he wasn't that stupid. He had noticed that he had lost a lot of weight, but he never expected him to.. He shook his head and sighed, throwing the cigarette out of the crack of the window, driving towards the hospital.

In the seat next to him, there was a small bouquet of flowers. Just.. Just like before. He didn't feel right just showing up there for no reason. Flowers only made him feel a little better. He pulled into the driveway, seeing the cameras and such there. The doctors had came out and told them of his condition. They were making all of this such a big deal. He was sick, but he wasn't going to die. Was he? He thought about this as he locked the car, set the alarm and started walking towards the doors.

Tohma had argued with him, telling him that he shouldn't go there; that it would only cause trouble. Yeah, well.. He was a trouble maker. Who gives a fuck? He walked inside, pressing the button with an arrow pointed upwards. He let his blonde hair fall into his face as he continued to think. He wanted to yell the hell out of Shuichi.. He deserved it. For more than one reason. But deep inside, all he really wanted to do was make sure he was alright. There was some part of him that was soft. He hated that part sometimes.. He hated being soft, it gave him an opportunity to be weak, and he hated being weak.

He stepped into the elevator and watched the doors close. He looked up to the light raining down upon him after he pressed the button and sighed. What would he say to him? Was he awake yet? What would Shuichi say to him if he was awake? Shuichi sure as hell looked different, but did he really act different? Was he the hard-ass he had seen on the television at the conference, or was he still bouncy and hyperactive. The soft part hoped he was the same, but his normal self wished he had grown more mature. He was annoying!

A few moments passed and he stepped from the elevator. He looked up to see Shuichi's band mates looking at him. The one guy got up and walked closer. "..I know who you are, and I am sure he wouldn't want to see you."

Yuki's eyes grew hard. "…I don't care." He said, walking passed him. The door right next to him was open slightly. He sighed and entered, closing the door behind him slowly. He locked it as well.. So no one else could come in.

He looked to Shuichi on the bed and sighed. He pulled the jacket from his shoulders, laying it down in the chair adjacent from Shuichi and placed the small bouquet of flowers in the vase on the table beside him. He swallowed hard, watching Shuichi's chest rise and fall slowly. He looked over to see an I.V. which was half empty. He moistened his lips and walked over to the window. The gray light from the dark clouds giving a white light through the glass. He sighed and sat upon the sill, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, waiting until he woke.

--

Shuichi woke slowly; his bright green eyes focusing on the ceiling above him. He took a breath, trying to remember exactly what happened, where he was, ECT. He sighed heavily. His head felt like it was split open as he slowly sat up. He looked around, seeing the I.V. in his arm. Immediately, it started to itch him.

"Ugh.." He said, pulling the covers from his legs. He looked up and paused.. His eyes widened at the sight of a black jacket and bouquet on the chair adjacent him. He looked around, not seeing anyone until he stepped from the window behind the curtain.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" Yuki's voice was angry, hateful… Just like it always was. "Do you want to die? You scared a lot of people!" He yelled, looking into Shuichi's eyes.

Shuichi looked down and tried to push himself up from the bed. "Why the fuck do you care?" He yelled back.

Yuki was caught back at this. He had never done that -- with that tone of voice and fire in his eyes.

He growled, forcing himself to stand beside the bed. "You hate me, remember? Why the hell would you care? Why the HELL would you care if I died?" He looked away, hiding that his own eyes were welling up with tears. He dropped his head, not trying to lash out.. He was too weak; and he knew that.

Yuki watched him closely before rushing forward to catch him before he fell to the floor. "..Fucking stupid."

"Get the FUCK off me!" He screamed, his soul angry pushing Yuki from him. He fell to his knees, panting. There was a tense pause of silence. "Why are you here anyway?" He asked, his voice now full of both anger and sorrow.

Yuki stepped back. Why the hell was he here, anyway? He slipped his hand into his pocket, looking down on him. "…I don't know why I came here.. Maybe to yell the shit out of you; maybe just to check on you.. Who-fucking-knows?" He reached behind him and threw him the bouquet, grabbed his jacket and started out.

Before he walked from the room, he looked back at him.. _I'm sorry,_ he thought to himself walking from the room without looking back one more time.

Shuichi watched the door close and he completely broke down when he made sure no one else was going to come in. Tears ran down his cheeks -- he wanted to die.. He needed to die. His hands started to shake again, and he got that feeling.. That feeling that he wanted to bleed. His arms and wrists sported many scars, and he wondered if Yuki had seen them. "…Goddamnit.." He slammed his fist to the floor. "GODDAMNIT!"


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a couple of days since Shuichi passed out, and he was finally getting back to normal.. Well, eating and all.. Though Tina had to force-feed him, he was still gaining some weight back. He was actually out of the hospital again -- two days after Yuki's visit. He just couldn't stay there anymore.

Tina looked at him as he slept on the couch. She knew there was more to Shuichi than the eye, but she really never knew what. She could tell that he held a great pit of sorrow, and self-loathe within him.. But of course, she never knew how much of it either.

She sighed and walked to her own bedroom. It was about 3 in the morning, and she was sure that Shuichi would be a bit freaked out if he woke up to see Tina hovering over him and staring at him. She chuckled at the thought and closed the door behind her.

As soon as he heard the door close, his eyes popped open. They still held a bit of regret and pain. He was still trying to figure out the REAL reason that Yuki had came to visit him. Was he feeling bad for what he did? Did he really love him? Did he want him back!

Oh, fuck him, a little voice in the back of his head screamed. That little voice was the part of Shuichi that was angry, hateful and sometimes deceitful. He stood, a long black, sleeveless shirt fell from his waist. He looked to the door, to the window. He was still tired, but he didn't care. He needed to get out of here somehow. He walked towards the door, hoping that Tina had went to bed already.

He peeked his head out, just to get smacked across the face. "Shindou!" She screamed. "You better get back to bed or I'll kick your ass!"

Shuichi backed away, letting the door open completely. He didn't even bother rubbing his face. "..I just wanted to go for a walk." He closed his eyes, his voice gave that saddened tone that had always pulled at Tina's heartstrings.

She sighed. "Fine, but don't make me come looking for you.. I'll throw my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes for a year!"

Shuichi forced a smile and nodded. "I promise I'll be back."

Tina smiled and stepped from his path of the door. "Go ahead then.. Be careful.. Please?"

Shuichi opened his eyes at her plea. "I will." He turned towards the door, slipping his hands into his pockets as he walked out into the cold, dark night. The wind was blowing rough, throwing his hair into his face so hastily. It sent chills up his spine and back down again.

As he walked, he looked up to the crescent moon. He gave a hearty smile as the stars peeked through the velvet horizon. It was beautiful, but it didn't give him any pleasure.. All it did was remind him of that night. That night when he had first met Yuki -- the night his dignity and pride was shattered -- the day that his life had ended. The start and the end.

He forced himself to look down, but continued to think about it. It was like a drug, a demon he couldn't face down.. He could never get his face out of his head. It was literally sucking the life from him, but he never wanted to admit it.

Tears welled up on the edge of his eyes as he looked down to the scars across his wrists, his arms.. He looked away and looked up, finding himself on his street.

"Wha?" He blinked, a single haunting tear forcing its way down his cheek. "How did I…? Why am I-? Why did I-?"

He sighed and clenched his fist. He subconsciously walked her. God, he hated himself now. He hated God, he hated life, and he hated Yuki.

--

Yuki was working on the last part of his book. It might have been his final; he didn't know.. It depended on a lot of things. The only thing that was heard was the clicks of the keys on the keyboard as he continued to type.

"_Please, Kei. D-don't give up." Blood ran from her lips. He looked down into her eyes and could almost see the life draining from her. He could almost feel the cold icy breath of Death himself._

_"Please, Niyu.. Please, don't leave me." Tears ran down his cheeks, holding her bloody figure in his arms. "I beg you."_

_She did nothing but give a smile. "I love you, Kei." Her hand slowly made its way to his cheek as her lips made their way to his. Her body soon fell limp -- she was dead. Death had won her soul._

_Kei started to sob on her cold shoulder. He only wished he could bring her back, but knew it was no longer possible. He stood, pulling the blade from beside her. "..I am not done with you, traitor. I will kill you.. You will not leave this dojo alive.."_

Yuki sighed and sat back. He had been doing nothing but writing since he had gotten back from the hospital. His story had suddenly turned into a tragedy, though it was supposed to be a happy ending like his recent ones.. He was just not in the mood for it.

He saved his work and pushed the top of the laptop down, shutting it down. He laid his head down, his hand on a hand of Scotch and ice. He closed his eyes.

_Why the fuck do you care? You hate me, remember? Why the hell would you care? Why the HELL would you care if I died? _Shuichi's voice had been echoing over and over again in his head. Was that reason why he did this? Was that the reason? Did he really want to die?

He pushed his head up and took a sip from the Scotch. Damn, if he did, he was weaker than he had actually thought. His drunken thoughts made him laugh as he pushed himself up from the chair behind the desk and started to walk into the living room. He set the cup on one of the tables and pulled the robe closed around him. He looked out from the window and jumped, hearing a heavy knock from behind the door.

He cocked a brow and started walking towards it, wondering who or what exactly would be out this late. He placed his hand on the knob and opened it slowly. His eyes dilated.. "S-Shuichi?"

Shuichi looked up slowly, the dark hair falling from around his shoulders. "Yuki."

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Thanks for the reviews guys! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad that you like my story. :P


	7. Chapter 7

Yuki blinked. Why was he here? He thought that he hated him, didn't want to see him ever again. He stepped away from the door, looking into those painful eyes of Shuichi. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

Shuichi looked down. "…I don't know. I shouldn't have came here in the first place, I didn't even want to come."

"Then why are you here?" He asked, a bit of drunken annoyance in his voice.

Shuichi sighed and turned away. "..I don't know." He started walking back out into the night.

"No.. W-wait.. Shuichi?" That voice seemed so weak; so desperate. His own voice almost make Yuki shiver.

Shuichi stopped slowly, letting his hair fall into his face. "..I'm sorry that I came here. I will never come here again.. That's what you want, isn't it..? That's what you said.. That's what you wanted then, and this is what you have."

Yuki looked to Shuichi's back; his mind slowly coming out of that state of inebriation. "It may be what I wanted then, but not what I want now.."

Shuichi tightened his eyes shut, clenching his fists so tightly you could hear his pearly white knuckles crack. "Why?" There was a hint of sorrow. "Why do you love me now, but you didn't back then?" He turned around, another tear drifting down his cheek. "Why are you not so embarrassed to be with me now? Why don't you hate me? Why don't you think I'm stupid..?" His voice grew louder and louder, until Yuki was sure the whole neighborhood could hear it. "Well!" He yelled. "Answer me! How can I ever trust you again? How can I forgive you for what you've done!" Shuichi fell to his knees, weak.. Tired.. And crying. "You never cared.. Before… Why.. Do you now?" He put his palms to his eyes, trying to keep the tears from coming -- but more came, and he could never be able to stop them.

Yuki blinked. He didn't know the answer to any of those questions. He stepped forward, leaving the door open behind him and walked closer to the sobbing Shuichi. He looked down upon him and sighed, kneeling and wrapping his arms around him tightly. "…I'm sorry, Shuichi." He whispered in his ear so gently. "Please, forgive me." He closed his eyes, angry at himself.. Angry at what he did, angry at the fact that he could never change it. There was no time machine, therefore, he wasn't sure if Shuichi would really ever forgive him, or love him the way he had before. "…Shuichi." He whispered.

"…Yuki." He said back, closing his eyes as he fell into him.

Yuki held him tightly, holding him in his arms.. In his lap. "I'm sorry, Shuichi." He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

He reached underneath Shuichi and slowly picked up, walking back into the house and placing him on the couch. He kneeled beside him watching him for a moment. He turned and sat, back up against the couch. He placed his elbow on his knee holding his head up. Did Shuichi really come here just to yell at him? Or did he just come.. Maybe, he really didn't know. He looked to him and sighed. He pushed himself up and laid next to Shuichi, holding him close. It felt strange, it wasn't really something he had done before but it felt right. It felt, justified. He closed his eyes as his fingers ran through Shuichi's hair.

He wanted to say everything. How sorry he was, what he really felt, how he really felt.. "I love you, Shuichi." He whispered, falling to sleep next to him.

* * *

Heh.. I know this is a very short chapter, but more will be up soon. I am so glad that you like the story! Teehee.. Thanks for the reviews, you don't know how much I appreciate them.

Thanks much,  
Tiffany.


	8. Chapter 8

Shuichi opened his eyes slowly. Feeling a warm body next to him made him slip into a state of nostalgia. At first he thought he was still dreaming, but then he looked down to see Yuki beside him. His arms were wrapped around him tightly and his head was laying on his shoulder.

His eyes widened and violently threw himself up walking Yuki in the process. Yuki looked up to him without the eyes he had before, without those killer eyes everyone said he had. It was almost scary that he didn't.

Shuichi backed away and turned for the door but his hand was caught by Yuki's. "I love you, Shuichi."

Those words made chills fly up Shuichi's spine. He wanted him to say that for so long, he wanted to feel his warm for so long as well, now that it happened he didn't know what he should do. "Why, Yuki?" He choked back another sob. "I don't understand it. I've never understood love. All I ever understood was that I wanted to be with you, be yours but I came to find that you hated me.. That you thought I was annoying and embarrassing."

Yuki let go of his hand and stood, his eyes growing hard as rock. "I'm sorry, Shuichi. I know you may never forgive me.." He looked down. It felt like this was almost as bad as what he did when he was a child. He looked over Shuichi, except he wasn't killing him directly.

Shuichi turned. "No! I can't forgive you. I won't! I-I." He closed his eyes, unable to leave this mask of hatred any longer. He punched one of the walls. "I love you, Yuki. I do.. I've always loved you, and I always will. I just don't know how we can go on from this. You hurt me more than you know. It's something I can't even explain. It's just.. Too painful."

Yuki blinked and slowly walked towards him. "…I wish I could take that back, but I can't. All we can do is hope for a better future."

Shuichi looked over to him, eyes in tears, and pulled him closer, throwing him against the wall with force and putting his lips against his. His heart was beating so fast, breathing so hard.

Yuki was very surprised at this, but did nothing to refute or stop this. He would let Shuichi do whatever he needed.

Shuichi pulled away and opened his eyes, saying nothing for a moment. "Can things be like they were before?"

"Probably not." Yuki answered truthfully.

Shuichi approached yet again, and wrapped his arms around him, placing his head on his shoulder. "…Good." He whispered.

**A Few Days Later**

Shuichi had stayed with Yuki over the passed couple of days since he had came. His soul, his heart, would not let him leave in any way. He didn't want to, but he knew he had to. He called Tina and Ryu to tell them where he was; he didn't want them to worry more than they already have. They went quiet, the both of them, when he told them where he was. "I'm alright. I am at Yuki's house." There was silence preceding that which kept for a couple more seconds. They were in disbelief!

The morning Sun crept through the curtains in front of the bed letting the bright yellow rays shoot through them and land upon the two sleeping bodies in the bed.

The light first hit Shuichi's eyes and woke him slowly. He put a hand up, shadowing his face from the light and turned his body, his back facing the sleeping Yuki as he curled back up into a ball and tried to go back to sleep again.

He took a deep breath. What was going to happen now? Were they going to be angry at him once he got back? Was his mom going to be angry at him again? Maiko? Niede? Would the public media chew him to pieces like they had before? He didn't know.. Nor did he want to know yet.

It was unexpected -- laying her next to Yuki again. He never thought that would happen, ever.. Again. He clenched his fists, feeling the cuts lacing his arms and wrists and he felt so damn stupid. He wished that he could make them disappear, that he never did them. Once Yuki sees them, would he be mad at him again? Would he hate him again? He was really the reason he did it, it was harsh but it was the truth.

He pushed himself from the warm comforts of the bed, unable to sleep. He stood, fixing the black shirt that he had slept in. He stretched and walked over to the window, looking down on the city that called his name. He sighed and turned, seeing Yuki wake up with a quickness.

"…Good morning." Yuki said and this surprised Shuichi but he gave no expressions.

There was a silence for a moment. "If I forgive you, you have to promise not to hurt me.. Ever again. You caused me pain that you don't even see yet.. Promise me that.." Shuichi's eyes were hard as rock, as cold as steel.

Yuki closed his eyes. "I promise."

* * *

Thanks for the reviews guys. More will be up soon. I hope you like this. It's going to get better as it goes along. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Shuichi sighed and walked towards Tina and Ryu that was at the end of the corridor. He could see the looks on their faces, both of worry and excitement. Today was just another day to Shuichi, but… It was also a day for recording their newest songs for their newest C.D.

Niede had said that it was probably a good thing to do, to show the fans that everything was alright and that everything would soon be getting back to normal.

Shuichi had gained 10 pounds and they were all happy about that. Yuki had actually been HELPING him, and that was a big surprise. Before Yuki never helped him, never… Well, once.

He smiled to them and wrapped his arms around Tina as she basically tackled him. "It's today! It's today!" She jumped up and down, hyper as a little sugar-filled bunny.

Shuichi laughed. "Yeah, I know!"

"Eight songs! Eight songs!" She giggled. "Eight more songs, and then we're done this one! Can you believe it?"

Ryu and Shuichi laughed again. "Okay, okay." Ryu said. "Calm down, love bug." He smiled as they all stepped into the Recording Studio. Niede nodded to Shuichi and soon the music rang throughout the place, luring every ear to listen, quickening every heart, pounding against the sound proof walls to break free.

"Hold on to me love  
you know I can't stay long  
all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid  
can you hear me?  
Can you feel me in your arms?"

Shuichi cradled the mike in his hands, ready to sing his heart out. This song, people already knew who it was to.

"Holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet rapture light it ends here tonight.

I'll miss the winter  
a world of fragile things  
look for me in the white forest."

Shuichi closed his eyes, seeing Yuki's face. He smiled brightly. He was happy, happy that he could smile again. Happy that he could be with him again.. All that time, all that time, deep inside.. He wanted to be so bad, but never could say such words.

"Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)  
I know you hear me  
I can taste it in your tears!

Holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet rapture light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear  
you pray your dreams will leave you here  
but still you wake and know the truth  
no one's there!"

He opened his eyes slowly. This song meant more than… anything.

"Say goodnight  
don't be afraid  
calling me calling me as you fade to black!

Holding my last breath  
safe inside myself  
are all my thoughts of you  
sweet rapture light it ends here tonight!

Holding my last breath,

Safe inside myself,

Are all my thoughts of you,

Sweet rapture light, it ends here tonight!" He whispered as music faded off into silence.

He looked up to Niede and smirked. "Songs are getting a bit happier, huh?"

Tina chuckled. "That's a good thing."

Shuichi looked back to her, still holding the mike in front of him and paused. "…Yeah, it is."

"One more song, and then you guys can go take a rest…" Niede chimed in.

Shuichi nodded. "I wouldn't mind doing a harder song, what do you guys think?" He looked over to Ryu and winked. "Oh yeah.. This is going to be good."

"B-but, we haven't even practiced it yet!" Tina whined playfully.

"Yeah, I know.. Isn't it great?"

Ryu started almost immediately and Tina fought to catch up.. But she got it, doing a few things differently to make it sound a bit more exciting.

"Suffer

The more you see the more you do  
The television's feeding you. With what  
You want to hear, anger and fear, because you suffer!"

Shuichi loved this song.

"The hate you feel won't go away you're all programmed to  
feel this way to live another day within a world  
That loves to suffer

And then I come to find everything's O.K. seen this all  
before but that was yesterday. I try to walk right  
through the messes that I've made just let me enjoy  
the life here that I've made.

I've tried to give it all to you. Can't take anymore to do  
with this. It hurts inside. I know why I hide 'cause  
I suffer!"

"Suffer," Ryu whispered into the mike.

"I tried to keep it all inside didn't leave me too much  
pride forced it all down inside forced myself to make  
me suffer!"

Tina was banging away on the drums like a Queen, so beautiful yet so dangerous.

"And then I come to find everything's O.K. seen this all  
before but that was yesterday. I try to walk right  
through the messes that I've made just to enjoy  
the life here that I have.

And then I come to find…

And then I come to find everything's O.K. seen this all  
before but that was yesterday. I try to walk right  
through the messes that I've made just to enjoy  
the life here that I have."

He smiled and turned. "YESH!"

----

_Songs:_

"_My Last Breath" - Evanescence_

"_Suffer" - Staind_


	10. Chapter 10

Shuichi sighed happily and walked towards the door. He smiled. He never expected to be here ever again, but here he is. He opened the door slowly and looked up to see Yuki on the couch, sleeping. It was pretty late, almost 5 in the morning. He smiled and closed the door behind him.

Yuki had the scotch on the table in front of him along with a packet of cigarettes. He pulled off his shoes and bit his lip, creeping over towards him quietly. He sat beside him on the couch and just looked at him for a moment. He looked so… peaceful. He blinked and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"_Go to sleep, love,_

_I'll be here in the morning,_

_I can promise you,_

_I'll never leave."_

Shuichi whispered a part of one of his newer songs and smiled and closed his eyes. He knew things would never be the way they were, but that was a good thing. He didn't want to be treated like a dog, yelled at for something stupid, he didn't want to be thrown out on the street almost every night. He couldn't deal with that again.

"…I love you, Yuki." He whispered and slowly fell to sleep.

As soon as Yuki knew that Shuichi was asleep, he opened his eyes and looked over to him. He looked over him and smiled softly. But why did he love him so much? Why did he want to be with him? He was just a fuckin' kid; a stupid, hyper and happy kid. He smiled. Maybe it was because he actually accepted him and didn't care about his past. Maybe it was because he felt so much different when he was just… looking at him when he slept beside him. Maybe it was because of the feeling he got when his fingertips traced over Shuichi's bare skin. He didn't know, but he knew that he'd never treat him the way he did before or at least try not to. He reached over slowly and kissed his lips gently, not to wake him and sat back.

"…Goodnight."

Yuki stood and walked over towards the windows. The moonlight was pouring in so beautifully. He smiled and pulled out a small velvet box in his pockets. He opened it slowly to reveal a ring. It wasn't anything fancy, but he knew Shuichi would like it. It was a symbol, a symbol that he was his. He placed it in front of him, open. It was a confession of his love and he hoped he understood.

He walked back over to the windows taking another sip of the scotch. He'd wait for morning to see what his reaction was. It would be great.

--

"YYUUUUKIIIII!" He squealed and basically tackled him on the bed. "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! OH, I LOVE IT!"

Yuki turned around, pulling the sheets up and just smiled to him. "I thought you would." He reached over and pulled him into a more than passionate kiss. "I wanted to show others… that I love you."

Shuichi's eyes started to tear up a little bit. "You-you're serious?"

Yuki nodded.

Shuichi pulled him into another kiss. "I love you, Yuki." He whispered.

Yuki smiled and looked into his eyes. "…I love you, too Shuichi."


End file.
